Forever Follow Me
by Perfections-Cat
Summary: Misery never makes itself an accomplice of understanding. That would be one of the last things he would teach Naruto.


**Author's Note**: Read into this what you will, and be prepared for a lot of angst.

* * *

"_With her before me, I cannot persuade myself that she is dead. At the sight of her ashes perhaps I can accept what has happened._"

**- The Tale of Genji **

What is it but a pile of dust? Black and empty, so easily whisked away by the slightest breath. A kingdom to topple with a simple sigh, a life that had been but now sits piled flake upon flake of dull grey ash.

He found it hard to look at. To know what that fragility had once been apart of.

_And the body?_

_Sir?_

_Burn it._

Naruto wanted to scream at it and found himself horrified by that. It was dust. It was nothing. It was everything he had wanted to keep. The remnants of what he had wanted to save.

"Asshole . . ."

He had wanted to scream. His voice, however, seemed to have left him bereft of all vocal power. Just a whisper of anger and that despair that drilled ever deeper.

* * *

The sky was only like this over Konoha. A rich royal blue that somehow felt more warm than cool. A complete contrast to the blue that decorated Sasuke's shirt. Perhaps, though, that's because the young man was born of fire – something had to tame it. 

Naruto felt the other ninja relax, fall back into the grass. It was a rare sight given their history. Though something seemed to have settled in the Uchiha since his brother's death, there was always that fear that it would all snap back into what had once been. It was because he liked it like this, because he had always wanted it like this. Naruto knew his fear was unreasonable, but he couldn't help but worry.

Then Sasuke would smile. It was always a small affair, just the tiniest movement that pushed the edges of his lips skyward. Genuine. There was almost a sense of tranquility to it, a peace long sought and found. A peace that had suffered for its right to exist and took each moment without a shred of this is due to me.

It almost hurt.

They had struggled for this, but now that they had it Naruto couldn't help but feel pain over it. It could all disappear so easily. He understood all too well that death wasn't the only means to deprivation. It was, after all, the first lesson he had ever learned. But despite that, or maybe in spite of those thoughts, he would grin and laugh. Loud enough and long enough to prove that this was their new reality.

No laughter came at this moment, however. Rather, Naruto found himself staring at the sky, entranced by the way the color gave up its depth in the presence of the stars. Even the darkest of hues could be coaxed out of its darkness by just a little light. It never took much.

"When she asks, don't tell her."

Naruto didn't look at Sasuke, but he was no longer looking at the stars either. Staring into nothing. He could feel the grass beneath his fingertips, cool and inviting. Could feel the heat that came off of Sasuke's body, so close but seeming too far away to touch. It was almost funny to think that someone like Sasuke should be so warm when he was the one who clothed himself daily in the hues of fire.

When his answer came, it was only a nod of his head and the refusal of his eyes to meet Sasuke's gaze.

* * *

The day had been long, exhaustion compounded by the fact that war was skimming the borders of his land and he had yet to find the time to eat. Blue eyes dully scanned the maps pinned to his desk, stopped when they hit the small yellow flag that stood at attention just inside the thick black line that marked the western edge. 

Black for what had already been fought.

Yellow for what was to come.

Naruto fingered the tip of the flag. It barely moved, stiff and resolute in its position. He felt his lips draw into a tight line. Just wanted to sleep and eat and wait. Yet, there was a village to be defended, people to be guided. It was what he had wanted, and he had received his wish. There wasn't a single part of him that regretted his decision, but even he had his limits which he had only just begun to accept after accepting the position of Hokage.

As a sigh escaped from his mouth, the blond dropped down into his chair and spun about to look out over the village. He knew every street, every possible path to get from one place to another, mapped and otherwise. He knew without having to look where his place was. Home. Nothing more than a small apartment that hardly befitted one of his title. Or that of an Uchiha. But Sasuke had made no complaints over it, having no where else to go at the time. Well, he should say no place that would have accepted him without question though there were questions Naruto had had, just not the kind that ever questioned Sasuke's character. It was a warm place, barely furnished but comfortable. With Sasuke's return, Naruto had known that he would need nothing more.

Even so, he was tired. Enough so that when the knock came from the door, he bolted upright, unaware of when he had drifted off. And there was that same sharp pump of blood through his heart, the anticipation of one who always seemed to be waiting. But when the person failed to walk right in, the disappointment was quick to shadow his face.

Despite that, his voice carried its usual cheerfulness when he spoke. "Yeah. . .yeah. Come in."

But Sakura didn't step in right away. The certainty of her step was gone, and Naruto's attempt at appearing jovial was forgotten. Discarded in the wake of his rising concern.

_Patience, moron._

His fingers dug into the edge of his desk, fingernails biting harshly into the wood. And he waited as she lingered in the doorway, as she pulled her thoughts together. When she finally came forward, it was quietly. Not in the way a ninja moves, silence consumed with every step, but in the way a person walks towards impending misery. As though, if one tread softly enough the whole ordeal could be avoided.

But misery was not the sleeping dragon that anger tended to be. It could come on swiftly, but it was always silent. Secure in its task, almost always unexpected.

She set a folded sheet of paper before him, crisp and glaringly white. Naruto couldn't help but note the steadiness of her hand, the lack of her words. And for a moment, he hoped. Perhaps she had just noticed him sleeping. He offered her a smile in thanks. It occurred to him that he didn't do that enough, and her job could be thankless. After all, she was the one always keeping him in line, making sure he noticed the little things before he rushed headlong into one task or another. And she was a lot nicer about it than Sasuke tended to be. Or maybe she was just smarter.

When he looked up, however, it was to catch her turning away. What he imaged to be water glistening along her lashes, he argued had been nothing more that the hallway light catching her eyes as she left.

* * *

"Why did you do that, Naruto?" 

He didn't answer. Instead, he shifted his gaze over the railing of his balcony, stared blindly out over the rooftops of the surrounding shops. Even though it had been promised, Naruto found himself not wanting to tell. Wanted to keep it all to himself. Selfish and undeserving as it was, he wanted something to hold onto.

Sakura, however, wasn't so easily persuaded. And perhaps in her own anguish, she pursued when normally she would have backed off. Sometimes it was too painful to acknowledge that there had been something between the two of them that she had never been apart of. "I have a right to know!"

The tears were piling up on his lower lid again. Just a little bit angry, but mostly full of a grief that had yet to understand. When the first one trembled over the edge, Naruto began to shout.

"Because I couldn't stand looking at him! Seeing him there and knowing I could reach out and touch him when it wasn't him! Not anymore. . . because he was there when he's not here!"

It was a lie built upon the truth that had consumed him when he had first been led to the body. When fingers begged to touch and were denied. He had hated it, the way he had wanted to run, the way he had been frozen to the spot by the fiercely whispered mantra of don't you ever forget this echoing in his head. In a heart that felt like it would break down until nothing was left but dust.

Once again, he was left with that godawful feeling in his chest, the one that made it seem like he was trying to breath through smoke and fog. Naruto gestured uselessly towards the west.

"I sent him there. I told him to go! And he went. He just listened to me. . .that asshole!" His voice was thick with sorrow, broken by sobs. It was difficult to hear himself talk like this, but there was that guilt that stung at his every vulnerability. The absolute rawness of the struggle to accept. "I got him home, and then I killed him!"

When she slapped him, the tears tumbled down remorselessly. As though that sudden sense of physical feeling jarred his reality into sudden clarity. He could feel, and it hurt. Choking him as the pain closed in around his heart, crept up into his throat. Infiltrating all the places it could thrive, in the places that hurt the most, in the darkness that wouldn't forget.

"Did you honestly think he would give you over to anyone else?"


End file.
